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Have you ever had a friend or family member who liked a specific genre of music that you just could never get into. It sounded so discombobulated and bad that it made you question the mental stability of the person, how could someone listen to this?! I’ve asked myself that question more times than I can count, and at a certain point I feel like I’ve got to be the one out of touch, because there is so much music out there that I think is down right terrible. Let’s run down the list of music my family enjoys that I don’t fully understand yet: My sister is a die hard fan of Kpop, my step dad is obsessed with Iron Maiden and Slayer, and my mom is probably Bon Jovi’s biggest fan, and has a little bit of a crush on him. Oh and my dad…he’s a bit of a tough nut to crack, he kinda likes a little bit of everything that came out in the 80s and 90s, but mostly the disco-style tracks with goofy beats. If I was forced to listen to one family member’s music library, I would easily go with my dads because my god his songs make you want to boogy.
If I were tasked to describe what kind of music I like, I’d say I’m definitely a fan of hip-hop and trap music. My favorite artists currently are Young Thug and Playboi Carti, two superstars in their genre that also carry with them a massive amount of controversy. See, Thug and Carti aren’t the best people around, and I certainly wouldn’t want my own kids listening to them, but they make music that triggers parts of myself that are otherwise left alone, dormant. Parts of myself that directly control how I act and live, like self confidence and determination. When I want to have a good, productive day, I’ll put on a pair of headphones and take my mind away from my anxiety, and put it into the emotions of their music. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. If you are feeling sad and want to further enhance that feeling, you play sad music. If you are about to attempt a 500 pound deadlift at the gym, chances are you play something high octane and aggressive. You play music because you want to feel something. So why doesn’t everyone play the same music? Why am I not playing kpop every morning to lighten my mood?
When I was in middle school, I was the runt of my class. I was short, slightly overweight, and had a voice still yet to drop. This led to your run of the mill suffering from the bullies of the class. For them, it’s easy to find the kid who can’t fight back and won’t have the confidence to tell someone. I was that kid, and I actually didn’t realize it until many years after the fact. In that time period, I was too trapped in my own head to give a crap about the lions that always sought me out. Thankfully, there’s always those few popular kids who actually exhibit strong forms of empathy, the ones that don’t make fun of you and make you feel included. I made friends with a few of them, and it stressed me the hell out because I had to “act right” to stay friends with them, lest they think I’m weird. I wanted to like what they liked, maybe that would be an escape from the words of the miserable.
I’m not going to name any names, but one of these popular kids listened to rap music on an app on his phone, SoundCloud. It was a free streaming service on the app store that let you listen to most types of music, but it’s mostly used for underground rappers looking to show what they’re capable of. Well it was free after all, so I downloaded it one night and started listening to hip-hop and trap music for a couple hours. At the end of it, I took off my dark blue Beats headphones from last year’s Christmas and furrowed my brows. This music is terrible!
Fast forward a good number of years and I listen to hip-hop almost every day, and I’ve become incredibly more liberal in my acceptance of new and odd forms of rap music. That’s how I found the music I liked, during a time where my identity was malleable and constantly berated, I found solace in fitting in with the rest. It makes me wonder how different my music taste would be if I never forced my way into a corner. If I was never influenced by the feeling of being an outcast in school, would I even consider listening to Young Thug on my own. Well that’s the thing, I believe it’s impossible to figure out your taste in music without outside forces influencing you.
I listened to combative and highly vulgar hip hop music to make me feel more confident than I actually was. The music was a desirable escape from moments I’d never want to re-live. My Mom and Step-dad listen to Rock and Heavy Metal because for one, they were raised during the golden age of that music, and two, they were most likely drawn to the rebellious aspect the sound of the music generated. My father listens to his disco style “bops” because they bring out a more expressive feeling that he’s most of the time kept silent. My Dad and I are quite similar in that regard, we listen to extroverted-sounding music as introverts. My sister, like me, has trouble with anxiety and self confidence, and that led her to the world of kpop: pop music on steroids with masterfully choreographed dances and vibrant color palettes (and some questionable hair styles). We were all pushed towards a genre of music that fulfilled desires we sorely lacked, the music distracted our minds from ourselves, and we’ve been fans of our respective tunes ever since.
When I began to understand that our ways of life determine what things we desire, I stopped questioning people’s music choices. I was ok with the fact that I might never enjoy their music taste, and they mine. All that mattered to me was I started considering another layer of who a person is through the music they listen to. Sometimes it coincides with the rest of their actions, sometimes it completely throws you for a loop (like if the pope listened to rage music). But music will always be subjective, and every type of it will be loved by at least someone in the world.
So the next time you ask yourself: how can someone listen to this? Come to the realization that the world is chaotic, forcing everyone down unique paths that shape our desires. Instead ask: How did you come to listen to this? Chances are you’ll get a much better answer.
